As a child, few things captured my attention like Disney’s DuckTales. Looking back on it, I don’t really know why. Perhaps I long ago harbored intense interest in duck-human hybrids, their crime fighting exploits, and the persistent efforts of mutant dog people in taking their money. Little did I know that through my gaze of TV worship I was indirectly supporting Scrooge McDuck, who possibly is the most evil man-duck of our time.
Granted many would argue that Donald should be granted the infamous title of World’s Most Evil Man-Duck. After all he was a well known Nazi.
I’m certainly not trying to excuse the things Donald did and who he may or may not have killed. I’m just saying he doesn’t rise to #1. Mostly because he was so young when he joined Hitler’s army. If we as a society can accept a pope who was once in Hitler’s Youth certainly we can’t label Donald as the most vile of the duck-men. No. For that we must climb up Donald’s family tree and hang our tire-swing from the branch of Uncle Scrooge. If Donald inherited a genetic disposition toward evil, it most certainly came from the Scottish side of his family.
Scrooge McDuck is a greedy, merciless, robber-baron. He only cares about his nephews and a giant coliseum of gold known playfully as The Money Bin. I personally suspect that he keeps Huey, Duey, and Luey around because, as an old man-duck, he will need potential organ donors. As for The Money Bin, it is nothing more than a shrine to greed and the gods of waste. The money that sits in this bin never circulates or grows the economy. It is only used as a pool for Scrooge to swim in or as a mattress for Scrooge’s filthy duck-sex. In a lot of ways the Beagle Boys were a working man’s Robin Hood trying to liberate wasted riches from the cold hands of a heartless bourgeoisie man-duck in order to feed their dear old ma.
Rather than giving a fraction of his wealth to the neediest residents in Duckburg, the demented geezer feeds his riches to rats.
What truly makes scrooge evil, however, are his imperialistic origins. From Wikipedia and I quote:
“Voodoo Hoodoo”, first published in August 1949, was the first story to hint at Scrooge’s past with the introduction of two figures from it. The first was Foola Zoola, an old African sorcerer and chief of the Voodoo tribe who had cursed Scrooge, seeking revenge for the destruction of his village and the taking of his tribe’s lands by Scrooge decades ago. Scrooge privately admitted to his nephews that he had used an army of “cutthroats” to get the tribe to abandon their lands, in order to establish a diamond-mining colony. The second figure was Bombie the Zombie, the organ of the sorcerer’s curse and revenge.
Yes. That’s right. Scrooge invaded a foreign land, forcibly relocated an indigenous people, and plundered their natural resources. I’m guessing the private army of “cutthroats” were sort of the Black Water (oh. I’m sorry. I mean Xe) of the time. God knows how many of his own people Foola Zoola watched die in Scrooge’s blood diamond mines. Scrooge was like the guys in Avatar who tried to take over the cat planet except Scrooge was successful in cutting down all of the big life-trees. A death by zombie attack is too good for Scrooge but I understand that Chief Zoola had to work with the resources that he had available.
Sure, I don’t have the pictures of Scrooge’s diamond colony or the tragic results of his plutocratic rule so it doesn’t have the same jarring effect on the reader as Donald’s Sieg Heil salute. I also don’t have the filthy duck-sex pics but we’ve all heard the rumors of the money bin orgies. Determining who is the most evil man-duck is a serious academic effort, but whether you are in Camp Donald or Camp Scrooge, we can all agree- Disney spawns some seriously fucked up ducks.
They also seem to hold a creationist belief that dinosaurs and man-duck lived at the same time and that’s pure fiction.